Robotic dinosaurs. Mechanical miners. Unpredictable chaos. Our local water rides offer the promise of getting wet with a dash of surprise and excitement.
Home to four world-class theme or amusement parks, the Southland isn’t lacking in inventive ways to get soaked. Some of these rides are exquisitely designed, emphasizing show scenes and story rather than simply pummeling us with water. Others aim to do exactly that.
Getting waterlogged, after all, is part of our history. In 1900, Los Angeles was home to one of the first major American takes on a water ride, Shoot the Chutes at Chutes Park in Historic South-Central. Rising 75 feet, it utilized flat-bottomed boats and a cable to take passengers up an incline.
Today, our water rides are more advanced and just may be among the best in the country. We’ve ridden them all, and did so without ponchos, to grade them based on wetness. Five droplets means you’ll get doused; one droplet is more akin to a light sprinkle.
Missing from this list is Disneyland’s Splash Mountain, which is being refashioned into Tiana’s Bayou Adventure, a “Princess and the Frog”-themed ride that is due to open later this year. We’ll be there when it opens. In the meantime, here’s a ranking of what you can ride now.
Pirates of the Caribbean
Disneyland’s 1967 boat ride is a leisurely jaunt through a town in the process of being ransacked by inept (read: mostly drunk) pirates. Yet there are two early drops — one moderate and one relatively small. Depending on the weight of the boat or the height of the water, expect to get lightly splashed. Because this is primarily a slow-moving family attraction, the water can either be an unexpected delight or an intrusion. But with reliably brisk air conditioning and a 15-minute-plus length, chances are you’ll dry off by the ride’s conclusion. More important, you’ll have experienced one of the most vital attractions at Disneyland, as its abstract approach to narrative set the template for the modern theme park ride.
Waterworld
OK, perhaps it’s odd to include a theme park show on a list of water rides. But Universal Studios’ stunt-focused spectacle is centered entirely on water, so it made the cut. Additionally, the large arena that houses the show contains a rather large splash zone, meaning anyone sitting in that particular section of the bleachers will get wet. The show is essentially a love letter to action-driven movie illusions, and a real hoot. Some moments never cease to surprise, such as a full-scale seaplane being jettisoned into the pond. And yes, a splash ensues. Those sitting in the wet sector will get sprayed with a decent amount of water, but if that’s not your thing it’s clearly marked and easy to avoid.
Jet Stream
Magic Mountain’s vintage take on a log flume attraction is no-frills — our boats go up a lift, enter a brisk current and then speed down a hill. Oddly, the back seat of the boat has a tendency to get a bit wetter than the front, perhaps because the boats have a propensity to glide when they hit the man-made pond. Still, this can be an essential ride at Magic Mountain, especially in the summer when the Valencia park is often scorching hot. Jet Stream arrived at Magic Mountain in 1972, and though it features no elaborate themes or scenery, the final splash is still an unique sensation, as the boats tend to hop and slightly accelerate upon landing.
Timber Mountain Log Ride
This 1969 Knott’s Berry Farm attraction is one of the most important log fumes ever created. At the time of its opening, it was a relatively new attraction; the first proper implementation of the ride format opened in 1963 at Six Flags Over Texas. Knott’s, however, gave the ride, one that moves in its flume at a relatively brisk pace, a narrative about turn-of-the-century loggers, showing the world that thrill rides could carry a story. There are a couple of mini drops, but the grand finale is about a 40-foot decline. At times I’ve walked away relatively unscathed. Other times, I’ve been soaked from the waist down.
Calico River Rapids
As far as river rapid rides go, I’ve never gotten drenched on this Knott’s Berry Farm attraction. Without a major drop or a rough, fast-moving current, Calico River Rapids has always been to me more about the threat of getting soaked. That’s not to say one should expect a dry experience. (Not at all. You will get wet.) Just that this rapids attraction can be conquered without a poncho. That means as we spin among its current, we can take in the vignettes that are scattered among its rocky banks. My favorite: a young bear engaged in a whack-a-mole-like game with a flock of prairie dogs. But also be on the lookout for a pesky woodpecker.
Jurassic World
Universal Studios revamped this ride in 2019 so it aligns with the most recent crop of “Jurassic World” films rather than the initial “Jurassic Park.” In doing so, designers upped its water content. We begin by gliding into a mock aquarium with a shark-eating mosasaurus looking hungrily at us tourists. Expect to be hit with water from above when the dino is shown making a leap out of the tank. But this ride is all about building tension as it leads us to an 84-foot drop. You‘ll want to linger on the top of the hill to marvel at the giant dinosaur battle with a T. Rex that unfolds there. But down you go, and when you reach the bottom it’s likely that a sizable wave will find its way onto your lap.
Grizzly River Run
Disney’s take on the whitewater rafting ride is robust, coming in at about seven minutes. It begins calmly, as you drift and turn around an old mining town, before the ride truly gets thrilling — and full of water. But what ultimately sets the ride apart is the overall design, which, in a relatively confined space, manages to re-create the feeling of being in a national park. The landscape is calming, but the second half of the ride is hectic, as Grizzly River Run gradually ramps up its pace and the amount of water you take on, eventually culminating with a drop that will bring even more water sloshing into the raft.
Roaring Rapids
Magic Mountain’s Roaring Rapids was instrumental in the development of the whitewater rafting-type ride, as this is the first constructed in the Western U.S. But that also means it runs a little rough, which, in this case, results in riders getting absolutely drenched. As on all rapids rides, the turbulent river, buoyed by narrow chutes, moves in an unpredictable fashion. Expect about four big crushes of water to leap into the raft, and those waves will be massive — there’s no buildup, no pacing and no underlying storyline. To ride Roaring Rapids is to sign up for a soaking.
