Neuroscientists have stated that up to 95% of what we do is completely subconscious meaning that most of our actions, reactions and decisions are carried out on autopilot and are influenced by the beliefs and programming that is stored in our subconscious mind. This programming is created in our formative years and knowing how it works can help us as parents, practioners and teachers, to ensure that we are giving children a blueprint for success.
How Early Beliefs Shape Our Subconscious
What we hear, see, and feel on a consistent basis growing up (and the key word her is consistent), creates a blueprint for how we view ourselves and the world around us. If you imagine the analogy of learning to drive a car. At first, you have to think about every single manoeuvre and slowly carry out each step one by one. I remember at 17 years old actually saying out loud ‘mirror, signal, manoeuvre’. However, over time and repetition (consistency), this process becomes easier and all of a sudden you are driving from A to B without a thought of where the clutch or gear box is. There are even times when you will arrive at your destination and not even be able to remember the journey! This is because we have repeated these actions so many times, our subconscious mind takes over and stores them in our programming. Our conscious mind is no longer needed because we can go on autopilot using the hard-wired skills in our brain to carry out the task.
This is exactly the same for how our beliefs and internal programming are formed. In our formative years, what we consistently feel, see and hear about ourselves and the world around us creates a blueprint in our subconscious mind that automatically guides and influences how we perceive the world as adults. It’s like the beliefs that are created in childhood, form a lens over our eyes that affect how we view ourselves and others and how we act and react to life. I always use the example of a child growing up constantly feeling like they are not good enough. Over time, it is likely that a ‘not good enough’ belief would be created and stored in their subconscious mind meaning they will move through the world automatically driven by this remit seeing life through a ‘not good enough’ lens.
The Subconscious Mind And The Reticular Activating System
People with this belief might struggle more than most when they make mistakes because this subconsciously validates their internal lack of self-worth, they might become a perfectionist feeling like everything they do could be better, or they might be a workaholic because again nothing they do is ever good enough. Reaching milestones might be underwhelming because their brain isn’t wired for feeling worthy and they might feel inadequate around successful people because other people’s success and progress highlights their lack of worth inside. Have you ever noticed that multiple people can be in exactly the same scenario yet react to, or view the situation very differently? This is because everyone looks at the world through a lens influenced by their own unique set of programming and beliefs, and therefore what they see, feel and hear is a product of their internal blueprint.
Imagine two people walking into an event. Before them is a larger-than-life character who is dominating the room and commanding everyone’s attention. Person A sees this character and thinks they are the most inspiring person they’ve ever seen, and they stand in admiration of how they are capturing their audience’s attention. Person B sees the exact same character but feels uncomfortable and thinks they are way too big for their boots – they also convince themselves that this person is looking down their nose at them and that they aren’t welcome there. The same scenario viewed and perceived very differently due to two different sets of beliefs. One person is confident in themselves, the other has a strong ‘I’m not good enough’ belief and views the world through this lens.
In life, we are like a jigsaw piece that fits with scenarios and people who validate our internal beliefs. If we have a ‘not good enough’ belief, we might find ourselves in the company of people who are quite critical. If we have an ‘I’m not important’ belief, we may find ourselves surrounded by inconsiderate people. This is because our brain is wired to keep us ‘safe’. Now the word ‘safe’ to you and me would mean being surrounded by good people or making good choices. However, ‘safe’ to our brain is keeping us in alignment with our internal beliefs – no matter what these beliefs are.
Positive Messaging: Guiding Children Towards Resilience And Success
Our subconscious mind is like a computer that gets programmed. Like computers, it doesn’t know the difference between good programming or a virus (negative programming), it just obediently adheres to the software that is uploaded. Our minds are the same. In our brain, we have something called a Reticular Activating System (RAS), and one of its many joins is to act as the gateway between the conscious and subconscious mind. It filters in the 5% of information we are aware of, and filters out the 95% of information that we store subconsciously. This RAS filter (or software) is influenced by the beliefs we hold, meaning that the reality of our consciousness is affected by the internal programming we have stored subconsciously. Our brain filters information and people based on our beliefs. A person with an ‘I’m not good enough’ belief could walk into a room full of one hundred people, yet they will most likely be drawn to the select few who validate their ‘not good enough’ belief – the ‘bad boy’, for example, who will treat them in a way that makes them feel – you guessed it… Not good enough!
Our RAS also filters information based on what’s important to us, which is why when someone is trying for a baby, they will all of a sudden see babies everywhere. Before trying for a family, babies weren’t a priority so even though they will have always been around that person in general day-to-day life, their RAS didn’t filter them into their vision. As soon as babies dominate their mind, their RAS registers this and then brings every baby into their awareness meaning they end up seeing them everywhere they go. The same happens with new cars. Have you ever decided to buy a new car and then all of a sudden you see that make and model everywhere? It’s not a coincidence – it’s your RAS at work!
Our beliefs are responsible for so much of our reality as adults, which is why as teachers, parents and practioners we need to be mindful of the consistent messages we are giving children through our daily actions, routines and reactions. These repeated messages can contribute to the internal blueprint and belief systems that then act as a subconscious guide throughout life. We all have children’s best interests at heart and work hard to give them the best start in life. However, it’s important to understand that our subconscious mind is very literal and does not understand the concept of intent. This means that regardless of us all coming from a place of love and care, we can without realising it, unintentionally instil negative beliefs.
An example would be a parent who wants to create a confident little winner who succeeds in life. They say things like:
- We don’t lose
- If we come second, we may as well come last
- Failure isn’t an option
Here, this parent wants their child to succeed and their intention is to create a little champion. However, the literal message behind all of these statements is that failure isn’t accepted, and failure isn’t an option. If the brain is wired with the belief that failure is bad, it will do everything in its power to keep us ‘safe’ which means avoiding failure at all costs. The problem with this is that failure is a massive part of success and a person who avoids it, will never fully reach their potential because their inability to handle failure will likely hold them back!
The best message this parent could give is that failure is positive if you see it as a life lesson and it is also a stepping-stone to success. A child who grows up believing this is more likely to reach their full potential because they won’t fear stepping out of their comfort zone, which after a few mistakes and failures, is where our brilliance is usually found.
By understanding how belief systems are created, we can be more mindful of how the literal messages (regardless of our good intentions) create programming in the subconscious mind and with a few small tweaks, we can make sure that they are in fact, in alignment with a blueprint for happiness and success.
