Marriage is the structure on which human societies are built. It’s the basic element, the foundation on which family and the larger community, be it tribe or nation, is based. A successful marriage can be a thing of wonder; I grew up watching one like that, as my parents were married for 71 years and held hands, right up to the end.
Seventy-one years. That’s a long time to pick up anyone’s drawers.
My wife and I will hit 33 years in May ‘2025. She’s the center of my life, the pivot on which my universe turns; she has an unerring talent for right action, and more physical and emotional courage than anyone I’ve ever met. I love her more than my own life. And we are pretty happy together.
Besides, I suspect nobody else could put up with either of us.
Speaking of living, it turns you that, for men, marriage may well prolong our years – marriage can actually slow aging, according to new research:
Men who get married age slower than those who do not — but the same cannot necessarily be said for women, a new study showed.
The research, recently published in the journal International Social Work, took a look at how tying the knot impacted the process of growing old — revealing profound inequalities.
Experts tracked the health and well-being of adults aged 45 to 85 over a period of 20 years to understand how their marital status impacted their health — looking at a list of markers to determine whether or not each participant had aged “successfully.”
Physical health, mental health, social wellness and self-perception related to age were all considered when making their determination.
As far as aging in better health, having a wife around to tell you “Would you just go see the doctor already?!” when you’re under the weather can help a lot. But I suspect there’s more to it than that:
Overall, the study showed, married men aged more successfully than their never-married peers. But that’s only if they stay married — separation, divorce and the death of a spouse were likely to have a negative impact.
Married women on the other hand, did not age much differently than their female peers who never wed, the findings revealed.
That’s an interesting qualification. Married men age more successfully only if they stay married. Now, I’m not entirely certain about all those “success” markers; while I’m healthy (other than the occasional twinge in my lower back when I’m choring), as well as mentally stable (jury’s out), and have a pretty good self-perception; I’m not sure what “social wellness” means, but I do have pretty decent people skills.
But aging? Every morning I look at an increasingly grizzled countenance in the mirror; every year it’s a little older, a little uglier. But, then, aging beats the hell out of the alternative. I’ve often noted that my wife and I have “The Marriage of Dorian Gray” [apologies to Oscar Wilde] – I’m doing all the aging for both of us.
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The separation/divorce thing is telling, I think. Granted I was divorced once, but I got married the first time at 19, and divorced at 25; I was young enough to stand it. But a stable, happy marriage is a big factor in maintaining one’s mental health, and I have little trouble believing that unhappy folks don’t age as well. They may not take proper care of themselves, for one thing. And, yes, divorce is stressful, traumatic, and not to be taken lightly.
Maybe that’s why my wife has hardly changed since I met her – when she was 24 and I was 29. She’s happy. My wife is a pretty cheerful, optimistic sort of person. If she wasn’t – say, if she was bitter, angry, and unhappy, maybe she would be aging less gracefully. And maybe she’d have a regular spot on “The View.”
So, yes, fellas, a wife can make you age more gracefully – or at least, more healthily. As long as it’s a stable marriage – and from long experience, I can tell you that the old maxim “Happy wife, happy life” applies.
