When I was a young man, the pack of miscreants and ne’er-do-wells I called my friends (and who, for reasons unknown, I still do) had a little ritual of greeting. Let’s say we saw one of our buddies walking down the road; we would glide up behind them, stick our head out the truck window, and at the top of our lungs, shout, “Hey! A*****e!”
That’s how young BroDudes talk to each other, to begin with; our conversations were littered with insults, including but not limited to speculations about each other’s ancestry not being completely human and impugning each other’s intelligence. That’s how young men are.
In another chapter of the ongoing death of free speech in the United Kingdom, that once-great nation is proposing to censor the pub banter of British BroDudes. Because they might offend someone.
According to the Campaign for Real Ale, 37 pubs close every week in Britain. This is a rate that shows no sign of slowing. Judging from the actions of this Government, though, pubs aren’t disappearing nearly fast enough. Say hello to the Employment Rights Bill.
I’m not just talking about increasing business rates, hiking National Insurance and outlawing zero-hours contracts. The measure I’m most concerned about is clause 18, which will amend the Equality Act to force employers to “take all reasonable steps” to insulate their staff from “harassment” by “third parties.”
In a pub? Look, I’ve never been to the United Kingdom, but I’ve spent time in American bars across the country, as well as bars in Japan and pubs in Ireland, most notably a Dublin joint called “The Celt,” in which I’ve spent a few happy hours jibing back and forth with Irish guys. I can attest that there are Japanese BroDudes that insult their buddies just as Americans do, and the Irish BroDudes’ language sets a whole new standard of salty, which leads me to conclude that British BroDudes are much the same. And the government now proposes to censor their pub banter.
It’s not clear how the Government expects publicans to comply with this new duty, but it is bound to cost more than the official estimate of £17 per pub.
Not only will they have to seek expensive legal advice, but it may mean employing “banter bouncers” to eavesdrop on customers and eject them if they say anything a pink-haired barmaid (they/them) might object to.
Lists of banned words will have to be displayed on walls – “mothers”, “breast-feeding”, “woman” – and regulars may be asked to undergo unconscious bias training.
Customers may even have to prove to a doorman that they have attended a full complement of diversity courses before they are admitted. Perhaps certificates showing the holders have received the relevant “training” can be included in a digital wallet on your mobile phone alongside your ID. Or maybe a Labour Party membership card will suffice.
What a revolting development.
Look, the whole male bar (or pub) experience won’t be the same without us guys being able to casually insult each other, with maybe some “your Mom” jokes thrown in. That’s just how dudes are, and barfly BroDudes are the most dude of all dudes that ever duded. We guys insult each other as casually as we breathe; we routinely address each other as “dumb***” and “s*** for brains,” and then we laugh and slap each other on the back because we’re men, and we know it’s all in fun.
Now, in the name of “sensitivity” or some such horse squeeze, the UK is proposing to end all that.
See Related: The Press Has Descended to a New Level in This AP vs. White House Battle and Claims of Censorship
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If this passes, expect a lot of Brits to eschew the great British pub tradition and resort to emulating George Thorogood.
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