Interior Designers Aren’t Couples Therapists—But They Do Have Great Relationship Advice

All’s fair in love and…interior design? For designers like Alvin Wayne, the two aren’t so different. “Design is a lot like love,” he says. “It takes compromise, communication, and a shared vision to truly succeed.”

Of course, success is predicated on trust, which is why finding the right client is so akin to courtship. Working with couples often only augments this perception. “That spark—just like in the beginning of a romantic relationship—should be there,” says Rachel Sherman, founder and principal of Rachel Sloane Interiors. “Both parties should be excited to meet, talk, and embark on the journey that is designing a home.” (After all, as Nadia Conners stated in her recent AD home tour feature, “Design and art are two of the great love languages.”)

Whether it’s a renovation or new build, flared emotions are pretty much guaranteed on residential projects. Luckily, designers are as versed in conflict resolution as they are in Revit. “It’s like 90% of my job,” says Nicole Ficano, interior design director for AD PRO Directory firm Workshop/APD, “especially with couples.” Luckily, pros we spoke with were more than willing to share their advice for navigating thorny conversations—here’s what they had to say.

Adopt the Socratic method

Money is a headache in any project, but simple functionality often ignites the most heated spats in home design. “In terms of spatial layouts and how they’re going to live in a space,” Ficano adds, “that’s typically where we find the most contention.” Giselle Loor-Sugerman, cofounder of B+G Design in Miami, concurs. “Most clients really have a hard time identifying their specific wants and needs because how can they know something they haven’t lived?” she says. “I try to help them and guide them by making decisions and prompting questions to help them think and communicate as a couple and as a family.”

The vision of a dream home is illustrated through some personal questions. When things get a little too personal, shifting from manager to intermediary requires quick thinking. “We’ve had clients flat out screaming and arguing in front of us,” B+G cofounder Brett Sugerman says. “There are times to step in and there are times to step back.” For Loor-Sugerman, a decisive choice is sometimes all it takes to lower the heat. “I’ll be like, ‘Well, you know what? If she’s getting this, then you can have that,’” she adds.

Lean into the power of listening

Questions that lead you into trouble can also lead you out, but like any relationship, sometimes just being heard makes all the difference. “It’s almost like couples therapy, where you’re trying to ask specific questions and hopefully get the same answer,” Ficano says. “A lot of it is just listening and hearing what each of them are saying and then offering a solution that will appease both of them.”

Seek out creative compromises

Sensitivity to existing roles in the relationship can also be a simple shortcut toward making everybody happy. “You can quickly assess the power dynamics at the core of the relationship and learn how to guide them together,” says interior designer and master stager Jason Saft. “One of the most valuable lessons in love I’ve learned from navigating couples through the design process is the art of compromise.”

Middle ground is the best place to land after a lovers’ quarrel, but it can be just as rewarding for designers to arrive there too. Wayne recalls a disagreement he not only stewarded to compromise but turned into a novel design resolution. “A couple just couldn’t agree on light fixtures for the parlor level of their brownstone. We went through option after option, but there was always a divide: One preferred brass, the other was drawn to glass,” he says. “I proposed a solution: a fixture that combined both materials. To unify the space, I suggested we use the same fixture in the kitchen and living area. They loved it.”

And just like the most successful dynamics, it was a true partnership. “Collaboration and a willingness to meet in the middle can create something truly beautiful,” Wayne adds, “whether in design or in love.”