Have you ever needed to have a difficult conversation with a parent or carer that you were dreading? Perhaps you needed to tackle a child’s behaviour, an unpaid bill, or a safeguarding concern. Whatever the situation, every early years manager and practitioner will face some difficult conversations during their career. Some people seem to instinctively know how to approach these situations, but many practitioners shy away from confrontation and may never, as a result, address that late bill or consistently late pick-up. If this is you, read on to find out how to approach these situations with confidence and achieve the results you need.
What Are Difficult Conversations?
There are many situations that fall into this category. Here are some common ones:
- Behavioural concerns – addressing issues such as aggressive behaviour, tantrums, or difficulties in social interactions
- Suspected developmental delays – concerns about a child’s development, such as delayed speech, motor skills, or cognitive abilities
- Learning difficulties – challenges a child may have in learning new skills or concepts, which may indicate a special educational need
- Emotional well-being – addressing signs of anxiety, depression, or other emotional challenges
- Health concerns – medical concerns, health conditions, SEND, or suspected illnesses that require attention
- Late payments – all issues related to late or missed payments for your childcare services
- Consistently late pick-ups – problems with parents picking up their child late, impacting staff schedules, overtime payments, and the child’s routine
- Family dynamics – changes in the family situation, such as divorce, separation, or a new sibling
- Attendance issues – addressing frequent absences, tardiness, or irregular attendance, which may be a greater cause for concern
- Hygiene and self-care – concerns about a child’s personal hygiene, self-care skills, or appearance, which may indicate other safeguarding issues
- Safety concerns – situations where you feel a child’s safety may be at risk, either at home or within the setting
- Parent-child relationships – observations of the parent-child relationship that may impact the child’s well-being
This list is not exhaustive but includes many situations that can be sensitive and require careful handling to ensure parents feel supported and understood while working together to find the best solutions for the child’s needs and the needs of your business. In serious safeguarding situations, it may not be appropriate to talk directly to the parent/carer first, and you may need to refer to your local safeguarding body instead.
How To Approach Difficult Conversations
- Preparation is crucial
Before initiating a difficult conversation, take time to prepare. Consider the key points you need to address and gather any necessary information or documentation. Think about the parent’s perspective and anticipate their possible reactions. This preparation will help you approach the conversation with confidence and clarity. - Create a comfortable setting
Choose an appropriate and mutually convenient time and place for the conversation. Don’t accost them at the gate and launch into your concerns in the playground. Ensure the location is private and free from distractions, allowing both you and the parent to focus on the discussion. - Start with positives
No one likes to hear negative things first. Begin the conversation by highlighting the child’s strengths and positive attributes. This approach helps build rapport and demonstrates that you recognise and appreciate the child’s unique qualities. If your conversation is about the parent/carer’s behaviour, acknowledge their previous support and contribution to the setting. A positive start can make it easier to transition into discussing more challenging topics. - Use clear and compassionate language
Use clear and straightforward language, avoiding jargon or technical terms that may confuse people. Be honest and direct, but also compassionate and empathetic. Acknowledge the parent/carer’s feelings and show that you understand their concerns. For example, instead of saying, “Your child is disruptive,” you could say, “I’ve noticed that your child has been having difficulty following classroom rules, and I’m concerned about how this is affecting their learning experience.” - Listen actively
Active listening is crucial in difficult conversations. Allow parents to express their thoughts and feelings without interruption. Show that you are genuinely interested in their perspective by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and providing verbal confirmation of what they say. Reflect this back to show you understand, using phrases like, “I hear you saying that you’re worried about X.”Halfway There, Keep Reading To Find Out The Rest
- Remain calm and professional
During difficult conversations, emotions on both sides can run high, but it’s important for you, as a professional, to remain calm and maintain your professional approach. Avoid becoming defensive or argumentative, even if parents react with frustration or anger. Maintain a composed disposition and focus on finding solutions rather than assigning blame. Being assertive is different from being confrontational and generally has a much more positive outcome. - Provide specific examples
When discussing concerns, provide specific examples to illustrate your points. This helps parents understand the issues more clearly and prevents misunderstandings. For instance, if you’re addressing a behavioural concern, describe specific incidents and how they impacted the child’s experience or the learning environment. Remember to disassociate the behaviour from the actual child and avoid using negative labels. Don’t say things like, “Johnny is naughty and a bully,” but “Johnny reacted to this situation in an aggressive manner, and we want to understand how we can help him overcome this.” - Offer support and resources
Show parents that you are committed to working together to support their child’s development. Offer practical suggestions and resources that can help address the concerns. Ask if there are things going on that may be contributing to the problems. You could provide information about support services, recommend strategies for home, or refer to a specialist. Emphasise that you are a team working towards the same goal – the well-being and success of the child. - Follow up and maintain communication
After the initial conversation, follow up with parents to provide updates and continue the dialogue. Regular communication helps build trust and shows that you are invested in the child’s progress. Schedule follow-up meetings or phone calls to discuss any developments and adjust strategies as needed. Finally, make sure you do the things you say you will. - Seek support when needed
There will be some situations where you may need to get additional support, either from a lawyer, a member of the safeguarding early help team, or another professional. Utilising your support network can give you valuable insights and help you approach the conversation with increased confidence.
Difficult conversations are inevitable, but by using these strategies, you can ensure the best win-win outcome for all.
