Mastering Self-Regulation – Children require support and understanding from childcare practitioners to manage their behaviour and feelings. It’s a learning process that happens gradually, piece by piece. In this article, let us explore self-regulation and ways in which we can give children the tools of self-sufficiency, to aid this process.
Understanding And Responding To Children’s Sensory Needs For Self-Regulation
We can observe children closely to identify their preferences; for example, notice how a child is instantly calmed when they put their hand on their key worker’s arm. Some just love the feel of skin and this sensory experience makes them feel content; it also creates a bonding experience, familiarity, and a much more pleasant way of tiring themselves out than crying.
During the time they are distressed, they may not be focussed on what soothes them; so reminding them can be useful. For younger children, it may be a case of placing a hand on the arm as a distraction, which signals our encouragement. This reassuring and caring attitude is essential in making children feel loved by knowing them so well.
Teaching Patience And Conflict Resolution For Self-Regulation
When children act impulsively, consider how, even as adults, we struggle to hold back, so it’s understandable that they may not necessarily consider the ‘right’ thing to do. Similarly, a child who is in the middle of a conflict may hit instead of talking about how they feel or using a pillow to vent their frustration. This is why we must provide objects like punch bags so they can be free to express their frustration and not bottle it all up until they become more overwhelmed. They just need reassurance; someone to understand ‘why’ as opposed to simply implementing rules, which disregards their right to feel. We all need to learn appropriate ways to express intense feelings and it starts in the early years; being directed by positive role models is so important. In this way, children can develop positive habits.
What would you do if a child keeps calling their friend, getting louder and louder; giving them barely a few seconds to respond in between? They need to learn patience; they cannot get a response straight away all the time, and this is a realistic expectation to carry with them throughout their lifetime. Until they learn to distract themselves, leave the situation and come back when their friend is ready to answer, there will be this urge to fulfil their wants as quickly as possible. In this instance, a practitioner may need to intervene before a conflict arises. However, to let both children know it is perfectly OK not to talk to someone until you feel ready must be made clear. We must not pressurise others, instead we need to be respectful and understand that everyone does things in their own time. Nevertheless, jumping in to resolve the conflicts constantly will result in children relying on adults to intervene when things get tough, never really talking to each other to resolve the matter (assuming that talking would be their chosen method).
What becomes apparent from working in the early years sector is that there are two sides to self-regulation during a conflict. One child is learning to be patient, calm, and appropriate, whereas assertiveness, individual rights and implementing boundaries are the skills another must learn. The practitioner’s role consists of keeping a close eye (noticing details) and implementing rules; the rest can be child-led. Impulsive reactions that happen towards others or during times of wanting something right now, need to be managed. The difference between ‘needing’ and ‘wanting’ is a huge learning curve for toddlers.
Take a child who has severe anxiety but is distracted very easily by humour; they have a love of jokes which a practitioner may have learnt through months of following their interests. Once they have had ample opportunity to express their emotions as they choose to, intervention may be needed in the form of a light-hearted conversation, about the practitioner’s experiences or a joke. As exaggerated or animated as it may be, teaching a child how to pull themselves out of a hole is extremely important here; particularly to avoid long-term anxiety that could lead to depression, low self-esteem and letting a worry take control, manifesting itself into millions of little worries.
Supporting Emotional Expression And Positive Habits
Considering these points, no matter how much we choose to help, they must find their own ways to resolve problems as they get older. What do they do on their own accord, whilst playing, if struggling to get their shoes on or when someone pushes them? Instead of swooping in to save them, figure out what they need to work on and what is working for them. This is the thinking time children need to process things without external noise. The way children react tells us a lot about their ability to manage their own behaviour. Once both the key worker and child have learnt these, repetition is essential with little help, to eventually none. Some need quiet time away, a hug, or a laugh…whatever makes them feel in control of their emotions. We must encourage self-regulation; this is a huge part of inclusive practice. We have all been there when we tried everything to stop a child from crying, later realising the one thing that turns the situation around completely!
There is so much I could say about self-regulation in the early years but the most important is to help develop life skills and to make children feel confident in expressing their unique personalities with self-love. With our guidance and direction, they feel valued at the thought of being known so well by us through our close bonds.
