Separation anxiety is common in babies and young children and is part of their natural development as they develop secure attachments with their primary carers. From the age of around 6 months, most children begin to prefer their main primary carer over and above others as they form strong bonds and relationships with them. In time, usually from the age of around 9 months, children begin learning to trust a wider range of adults and caregivers such as extended families and other caregivers. All this is part of the normal development processes playing out in the children, but there are times when this behaviour can seem problematic if the child becomes unusually distressed or is unable to be left with anyone other than the primary carer.
Separation anxiety happens when children begin to realise that they are dependent on their caregivers for their needs, be they physical needs such as being fed, or emotional support when the child is scared or feels insecure. If the main caregiver or caregivers go away because of work, social or other commitments, then the child may experience separation anxiety. This can result in the child becoming upset or overwhelmed, clinging on to parents and having tantrums when the caregiver tries to leave. In most cases, this can be managed by other caregivers whom the child trusts and they usually grow out of separation anxiety as they develop.
In a few cases, however, the child can develop separation anxiety disorder if their symptoms are much more than would be expected for their developmental age, and this can cause problems in later life too if they become distressed or face problems with their daily activities due to their anxiety.
Recognising Separation Anxiety
Symptoms of separation anxiety disorder include:
- Repeated and intense distress when thinking about being separated from the main caregiver or loved ones that is disproportionate to their developmental age
- Constant and intense worry about losing a parent/carer or loved one (death, illness, disaster)
- Constant worry that something bad will happen to them causing them to be separated from their carer
- Refusing to leave the home due to separation anxiety
- Not wanting to be home alone or in another safe space without their parent/carer even though they have reached an age where this might be expected (e.g. sleepovers, holidays)
- Repeated nightmares involving separation
- Other health issues related to anxiety such as headaches, stomach aches, panic attacks
Triggers And Risk Factors
Some degree of separation anxiety is to be expected in young children, however, there are some risk factors and life events that can contribute to a more severe reaction in children. These can include things such as:
- Divorce or separation of parents
- Changing schools or moving to a new area
- Death of a loved one which can include a beloved pet or other relatives
- Being removed from parents/carers for a short time or taken into care
- Trauma, disasters, especially related to loss
- Family history of anxiety
Some researchers have identified that genetics may play a role in separation anxiety becoming separation anxiety disorder. Separation anxiety disorder most often begins in childhood but it may continue into the teenage years and sometimes into adulthood if not recognised and treated. Complications of separation anxiety disorder include other anxiety disorders such as generalised anxiety disorder, panic attacks, phobias, social anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression.
How To Help Children With Separation Anxiety
Like everything in early years practice, it is important that practitioners understand the situation behind children who display separation anxiety and do not judge the child as being ‘naughty’ or ‘difficult’ when all the child is trying to do is express that they are fearful, insecure or afraid of being abandoned. These are massive emotions for anyone, let alone a toddler.
Here are some tips to help:
- Stay calm and be patient with children, never angry or impatient
- Try distracting the child with an interesting object or activity
- Suggest a buddy/friend to meet at the entrance who could help the child into the setting by coming in with them
- Be careful what you say in these situations and keep things positive – try to avoid saying things like, “Don’t be shy” or “Stop being silly”
- Support the parents/carers to leave the child by having the key person meet and greet the child in the morning, establishing a routine that the child understands and can trust
- Allow children who have separation anxiety to keep a trusted toy or object such as a teddy or a comfort blanket – this can ease their anxiety and they are often reassured by these objects. Over time, as the child becomes more confident, you can encourage them to reduce their reliance on the comfort object
- Talk to the parents to see if there are strategies that they are using at home or other venues that are working in those situations – remember to be sensitive if parents/carers are separated which can increase the risk of children feeling separation anxiety
- Stay positive for the children and the parents/carers and talk in reassuring terms
- Use books and social stories to explain to the children about different situations where children may be left safely (such as school/clubs), emphasising that the parents/carers come back
- Reinforce the positive aspects of the day to the child when they are collected so that it is something they will look forward to tomorrow
- Ensure that your staff are well trained and understand about attachment and child development
Helping Parents And Carers
You can support parents and carers to help their children with separation anxiety in a few ways. Giving them information about separation anxiety and normalising the situation will help alleviate their own worries and concerns. You can also suggest that parents help their children by practicing leaving their children for short periods of time. Children need to learn that parents/carers will return and then they can trust them to come back so this can be done in small steps.
Be aware that not all families live together and there may be children who share their time between parents/carers which may increase their separation anxiety. Be understanding and try to talk to both parents/carers without taking sides.
If you are worried that children are becoming overwhelmed on a regular basis or the separation anxiety persists as the children get older, then you can talk to the parents and suggest they seek more professional help such as a GP referral to a paediatrician or other healthcare professional.
